“So what about the most precious gift of all? Are you gonna give that to the first guy who buys you a big bunch of roses?
Mitchell Litchtenstein’s Teeth takes a comedy of errors and spins a tale of the dangers of repressed sexuality and the dangers (and normalcy) of teenage desire.
The film centers around teenager Dawn O’Keefe (Jess Weixler), a devout believer in chastity until marriage. This belief is pushed on her not by her parents or church, but by only herself and what the world around her has led her to believe about the sanctity of a woman’s sexuality.
“Girls have a natural modesty. It’s built into our nature…” she explains to her fellow students in her health class when they ask why the vagina diagram in their health book is covered by a sticker, while the penis is left uncovered. The teacher (Trent Moore) can’t even say the word “vagina,” referring to it as “women’s privates,” and only managing to mum
ble that it “should be obvious” why the picture is concealed.
Dawn develops a crush on her new friend Tobey (Hale Appleman) who claims to also be chaste until marriage. Then he rapes her. While he is raping her, and as she fights back, a look of pure terror suddenly spreads from Dawn’s face to Toby as he realizes his penis has been bitten off by Dawn’s vagina. And so begins the excitement. Yay for rapists getting their dicks bitten off!
The cinematography in the rape scene was interesting, to say the least. After Tobey stumbles back from pain, falling back into the river and DROWNING (yay!!) the camera pans down to his severed penis and a dramatic “dun dun dun” type song plays over. The penis itself in this movie is meant to be a thing of terror reduced to a thing of nothing. The power of the penis is being mocked throughout the film, as the weakness of the vagina is underplayed, and the strength of it is emphasized.
The film plays around with the myth of “vagina dentata,” an ancient Lat
in myth that discourages men from raping unknown women. It is said, apparently, that a hero must conquer the toothed vagina for it to go away. In the film, Dawn has consensual sex with a new boy she likes. She’s terrified at first that she’s going to accidentally chop his dick off of course, but as she relaxes and enjoys their connection, enjoys feeling safe with someone who cares about her safety, she realizes that nothing bad is going to happen. Until, of course, she finds out DURING SEX that the boy had a bet going with his friends that he could get her into bed. Then the teeth go chomp.
As the movie continues, Dawn becomes more and more confident in her sexuality, and uses her gift to show men who need a lesson what they deserve.
The thing I found most impressive about this movie is its ability to come off as a silly old nineties, early 2000’s comedy-horror (although it did come out in 2007, it gives off that vibe) it says so much about how dumb it is to make female sexuality such a sacred thing, and m
ale sexuality such an accepted and praised concept. It emphasizes the power of the vagina itself, the insignificance of men who think their pleasure is more important than women’s comfort, and turns it all into a thrilling and captivating story (with lots of laughs). In conclusion, discovering your sexuality is not a bad thing. And don’t rape women. We’ll fuck you up.
Oh, and this is a horrible Halloween movie. Not a bit spooky. Intense-ish gore at times, what with the severing of the penises (and fingers!) and not for the faint of heart, but this was never meant to be a Halloween movie.
If you’re looking for more movies my Mitchell Litchtenstein, try out “Angelica” (2015).
Mooney's Corner 