“You suck, you suck, I hope you die!”

McG’s Netflix horror flick “The Babysitter” succeeds all the expectations of classic Halloween simplicity.

Sheltered twelve-year-old Cole (Judah Lewis) is anxious about everything. He’s constantly bullied at school and has trouble fitting in, sticking by his one friend, Melanie (Emily Alyn Lind). His parents have even provided him with a babysitter, Bee (Samara Weaving). When Cole’s parents go out for a weekend and leave him with Bee, a night of bloody terror ensues.

This movie rings true with anyone who can appreciate a horror movie that feels like it was reborn out of the eighties but keeps a modern sense of humor. The use of captions across the screen during dramatic freeze frames and eighties music gives off a sense of Brat Pack coming of age films. The soft, subtle neon lighting gives the film a warm glow to contract with the juicy gore.

I compared this movie to an eighties coming of age film, and it really is just a coming of age movie. After defeating the band of violent, Satan-worshipping teenagers Bee brings into the house to “get the blood of the innocent,” Cole has long conquered his childish fears.

I suggest this movie for a Halloween sleepover type thing. Definitely the right movie to eat your candy to after you get home from trick or treating.

If you’re looking for more McG movies, check out “Charlie’s Angels” (2000).

And so we return. Patrick Kack-Brice has blessed us with a harder hitting, deeper, and crazier rollercoaster than the first. And that’s so rare. It’s so rare that a movie sequel surpasses its original. But this cult classic has managed to pull it off over so many big name pictures.

Josef (Mark Duplass) is still killing people. But he’s going through a killer’s midlife crisis. He doesn’t get the same joy out of forming connections with people and then killing brutally. He expresses these thoughts with his latest victim in the opening scene before slashing his throat with a knife. Whatever will this melancholy ole’ serial killer do?

And then Sara (Desiree Akhavan) comes into his life. Aspiring filmmaker Sara shoots wedding videos for money and runs a Youtube series called “Encounters” in which she answers online Craigslist ads posted by strangers looking for weird connections. For example, men who want to be “mommied.” Shortly after she becomes fed up with her lack of views and convinced she is “deeply untalented,” she runs into Josef’s add for a filmmaker for the day to “go deep” with. And then the fun begins.

“with a man and a woman, there is always a wall between them. And that wall is; ‘I wonder what you look like naked…’ and if we’re going to embark on this journey together, we need to tear that wall down.”

One of the first things Josef (who is currently going by the name Aaron, the name of his victim in the first movie) and Sara do together is get naked simply for the sake of getting naked. Josef points out the divide between men and women due to sexual tension and wishes to abolish it. I think that’s one of the first big stabs at human interaction and psychology the movie takes. Brice and Duplass have not created a simple horror movie. I was going to say that they’ve created a commentary on how different people interact with each other and what drives events that unfold within the interactions, but it’s not a commentary. It feels like an active, unanswered experiment because, as you watch it, nothing is really answered. Under everything else it puts out into the world, this movie is just two people going through the motions of human connection.

“He’s everything you’ve ever wanted in a subject. You have to chase this… I know the decent thing to do is just give him space, but at the same time it would be so easy to go down there and provoke him, and get the material I need.”

I mentioned something about what drives interactions to further themselves. Sara needs an interesting story for her video blogs. Josef needs to find himself again, and he can’t do it alone. Both characters are trying to use the other to better themselves, but ultimately find that they both need each other. And when they no longer need each other, they need the other dead.

“What if I told you at the end of this road, I was going to cut off your head and snuggle fuck it?”

I read a review of this movie somewhere that said that the sequel doesn’t hold as much tension as the first movie. I actually would disagree. Josef is a highly unpredictable character no matter what scenario you put him in. It doesn’t matter if in the end he mostly kept his word. He’s constantly bending the truth, constantly running off, he changes plans last minute, and he’s overall just extremely erratic. The strongest tension is always present when a plot centers around a character you know you can’t trust. I watched this for the first time like a year and a half ago, and I still remember feeling completely on edge the whole time. I will admit, that tension goes away after rewatching the movie a few times, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. You just become immune to it after awhile, which isn’t ideal for horror.

“I drained his life with my hands, and I thought to myself; well, this is my destiny. Sara loves her juicy fruit, and Aaron loves to kill.”

Something I’ve noticed the “Creep” movies do is reduce violence to a “matter of fact” kind of thing. Josef talks very calmly about digging into someone and seeing their insides, gutting them, and feeling satisfied. Not sexually, but just… whole. When violence is discussed in the “Creep” movies, you don’t feel uneasy. You feel like you’re listening to someone talk about taking a walk in a park. It feels normal.

I think this would make a pretty interesting Halloween movie. Maybe a good one for someone to watch on their own. Unless your friend group deeply appreciates the art of film. I tried to watch the “Creep” movies with my friends, and they were very confused and bored the whole time. Basically, it’s not a Halloween sleepover movie.

I actually don’t know of any other movies directed by Patrick Kack-Brice, but I will keep my eyes peeled! And the Duplass Brothers work on lots of movies.

Since we did a deeper, more upsetting movie last night, let’s do a horror comedy tonight. Welcome to the hilariously gory, insanely comical “Tucker and Dale vs. Evil” by Eli Craig.

I’m going to start doing one night of serious horror that I review deeply and the other night a shorter review of lighter, more comical horror, or shallow horror with a lack of strong purpose. So look forward to a longer review tomorrow!

A group of college kids goes camping in the backwoods with plans of drinking, smoking, and swimming. But when they run into a pair of stereotypical looking hillbillies, they assume they’re murderers. The hillbillies, innocent and sweet, rescue one of the girls when she drowns, and the college students, assuming they’ve kidnapped their friend, spiral into panic. In various attempts to rescue their friend, they end up killing themselves and each other off by accident. Whether they’re falling into wood-chippers, running into sharp tree branches, or throwing themselves onto blades, they always seem to kill themselves in a way that makes it look like they were viciously murdered.

The main source of comedy in the film is how kind-hearted the hillbillies are, and how ignorant the college kids are- one of them even turns out to be a murderer and rapist. The usual stereotype would be the other way around. People usually assume hillbillies and rednecks are uncivilized outsiders who love guns and incest, and apparently murder.

At its core, this movie is a social commentary about judging a book by its cover and dumb shit like that. I say its dumb shit, but ignorance is a national phenomenon that causes hate crimes and war to this day. Prejudice against major groups of people is something we all see every day, and it destroys communities, families, and national safety.

“It may not have been you, but it was definitely your kind.”

One of the college boys explains that his father was killed by hillbillies, and now he harbors a great hatred for all hillbillies. This also stems to current events today, like the extreme and often violent hatred Muslims have received since 9/11. The idea that an entire group of people should be prosecuted for a completely separate group’s violent crimes is ridiculous.

OKAY. I may have gotten a little political there. Re-watching this movie has made me realize there’s more under its surface. Moving on.

I find horror comedies so interesting. I think they stem from slapstick comedy, which is a comedic style used first in 16th century Italy. Slapstick comedy consists mostly of people hurting other people or themselves (by accident) in big, dramatic ways. However, it has rarely been bloody until more recently. The fact that someone can show a guy throwing himself into a wood chipper and it can be funny (after the initial “oof!”) is so intriguing to me. I think it says a lot about human culture, but I’m going to talk about that in a different post after my Spookfest is over.

This is a great Halloween movie filled with perfect, disgusting gore, a few decent jump scares, and great watch-ability for a spooky night with friends.

Eli Craig is an amazing screenwriter and director when it comes to comedic horror and comedy in general. I’ll be reviewing his 2017 film “Little Evil” in a little bit!

“Find what you love and let it kill you.”

Sean Byrne’s “The Devil’s Candy” wraps themes of dark powers, corruption of the mind, and family together into one sweet, artistic, devilish journey.

When demonic voices drive Ray (Pruitt Taylor Vince) to murder his parents and flee his home, he curses his house. Jesse (Ethan Embry), Astrid (Shiri Appleby) and daughter Zooey (Kiara Glasco) are next to move in. Jesse and Ray become connected through the voices. As Ray kills children at the command of Satan, Jesse subconsciously illustrates their downfall through his art and works to save them.

“We’ve come to the place where we joke about the idea of the devil. With the horns, and the tail and all that. But that is Satan’s lie, to distract us from the reality of who he is. He is no mask in a Halloween store. He is not what you see in the movies. He is an active, violent, anti-God personal reality. And as much as we refuse to admit it, he lives through us. He uses us to carry out his unspeakable deeds. For we are his pawns, we are his demons on Earth, we satiate his hunger. If you have the slightest bit of greed in your heart, he will turn it into an avalanche. He will slither into your soul.”

A constant theme throughout this movie is the influence that evil has on people. The idea that Satan isn’t necessarily a person or entity, but something that corrupts the mind and drives people to do insanely violent things. That evil isn’t a natural human trait, but something we’ve been challenged to fight off. To not let inside us. Because once it’s inside us, it spirals.

“It’s like these children are inside of me. Begging, screaming to be let out.”

Most of the film’s soundtrack is heavy metal, as Jesse and his daughter are diehard fans. Ray listens to heavy metal to tune out the demonic voices. I think the point of this is supposed to be that evil in tiny doses, when you control it, can be healthy. Anger, pain, and frustration expressed in those heavy metal songs… those emotions are normal. Tuning into that anger and expressing it in a healthy way (like through music) can sometimes prevent one from giving into a greater evil. Jesse and Zooey listen to intense heavy metal music, but believe in treating others as they want to be treated, and friendship. They’re kind people, and they’re still able to rock out to angry, violent music. Because there’s a difference between singing about something and actually doing it.

Another theme throughout the film is the patriarchal role of a father in a family. Jesse is driven by his need to protect his family (especially his daughter) and to bring the children Ray has sacrificed to Satan to justice. His last big action scene is literally him beating Ray to death with a flying V electric guitar (which Ray gave to Zooey initially) after he tries to kill Zooey in a fire he sets himself. After Ray has been defeated, he tunes back into the voices in his head telling him where Ray buried the bodies, and goes to dig them up. He brings them to justice and, in a way, frees them.

I also think that Jesse is supposed to represent God, or a Godly figure at least. I know, it sounds like a reach, but hear me out. His hair and facial hair are identical to that of most people’s depiction of God, and he always seems to glow. He represents the perfect male physique; muscles, tan, golden hair, etc. His need to save those less fortunate than him (the children) drives him in everything he does. I mean, when Jesus died for our sins or whatever, wasn’t he redeeming, saving us?

One more thing I enjoy about this film is the anticipation of violence. There are scenes with blood, but they’re short and chopped up. You never see Ray dismembering the children, but you know that it happened. That it’s happening. That it’ going to happen again. The movie is constantly bringing you to the brink of violence, and then taking it away from you. It’s taunting, and it keeps the tension strong.

This movie gives off major spooky vibes. There are very intense, frightening scenes that do lack some gore, but will still give you unsettling vibes.

If you’re looking for some more Sean Byrne movies, check out his fist feature film “The Loved Ones” (2009).

Welcome, creeps. Let’s talk about the greatest spookfest ever created. A perfect blend of childlike wonder and dread. A film that taunts you with its PG rating and leaves you wanting more. “Coraline.”

Wikipedia describes the design style as “3D stop-motion dark fantasy horror,” which basically means it’s a mix of computer animation and claymation. But the fact that even Wikipedia acknowledges that this is a “dark fantasy horror” movie is awesome. It’s awesome because you can tell the production team knew they were taking a risk with the PG rating. There was a lot of backlash from parents about this movie being advertised as a children’s movie. Parents would become horrified (as would their children) as they observed children being locked in closets until they die, pained ghosts, the implication of eye gouging, bug eating, rat killing, parent kidnapping, and so much more. And the truth is, this isn’t a children’s movie. But it doesn’t necessarily feel like a real horror movie either. It feels like a dark dream. Not scary, but dark. Dark, magical, and strange.

Coraline’s story begins when she moves from Michigan to the Pink Palace with her mother (Teri Hatcher) and father (John Hodgeman), who don’t have a lot of time for Coraline (Dakota Fanning) between work and house improvements. She tries to spend time with her neighbors above and below her, Miss Spink (Jennifer Saunders) and Miss Forcible (Dawn French), the retired actresses, and Mr. Bobinsky (Ian McShane), an athletic older man who claims to be training circus mice. She finds them incredibly strange, however, and gives up communication. Then she finds the door.

A small door with bricks boarding it up comes alive at night, taking Coraline to another world identical to her reality, but better. Her parents have all the time in the world for her, the neighbors put on elaborate shows for her, and she is showered with gifts and food and company. And a talking cat!

But when Coraline tries to go back to the normal world, things get complicated. The Other Mother kidnaps her parents, and Coraline must complete the Other Mother’s dangerous, dark game to find them and close the portal.

What makes this movie so captivating is its ability to go with the flow. The production crew must have realized this would be too scary for some children, but they decided to go with the spooky, dark PG-esque horror anyway. It gives off the perfect Halloween vibe.

Themes of family, trust, and what real love looks like are relevant throughout the film. Coraline has to realize that real love isn’t always coated in sugar with a cherry on top. It can be hard, you can get lonely, but if it’s real, you’ll get through it and come out with a stronger relationship.

The design is beautiful. Every movement has a purpose, ever camera angle is trying to show you something specific. There’s never a dull moment. You never know what’s coming. Everything is so laced with a sense of unease that you don’t know if things are okay or about to go to shit. And when things do go to shit, they really go to shit.

This movie is a troubled child’s fever dream. It’s amazing. Watch it. Or the Other Mother will kidnap your parents.

My first question would have to be:

Why did she have to take her party hat off to have a conversation on the phone? Was that supposed to show that she’s angry? Upset? Not in the party mood? Bravo.

But after that, the movie’s not awful. Jon Watts has put together a pretty decent, and pretty unique horror movie. The idea of ancient myths about clowns devouring children and passing their demonic skin down to whoever puts it on next is terrifying.

I’m going to keep this one short, because it is a rather shallow horror movie and there isn’t much to unpack. But the gore is refreshing and crisp, the concept is intriguing, and the action engaging. I’d give it a watch!

Jon Watts works on a lot of the “Spider-Man” movies, so if you’re looking for more of his work, go check it out.